Burgernoodle

This news may be a month old, but the James Blunt parody was a year old and still burgernoodle-worthy, so here goes…

Apparently, back at the end of September a new Avril Lavigne web site popped up called www.perezlavigne.com.  It seeks revenge on celebrity blogger/basher Perez Hilton for all the mean little things he’s written on his site about Avril.  Although the author claims to be Avril herself (attempts to contact the Webmaster of the site have been unsuccessful), a spokesperson for the singer said she has nothing to do with it.  I would probably believe Avril and her spokesperson had I not read this little excerpt from the site:

I mean, he thinks in his own little world that he is the best and he makes everybody look silly on his Blog. But in reality he is the biggest stupid person I’ve ever seen!

Now if that wasn’t penned by the same person that wrote ”Sk8er Boi” then the joke’s on me, I guess.  Anyway, there’s a poll on the site trying to collect enough signatures to “make Perez disappear from the Net with his stupid Web site.”  As if that’s the way things actually work. Sounds like somebody spent too much time running for student counsel in jr. high.

Avril’s imposter is still at large.

This little video has caused a ripple of gossip across the internet, but now we have confirmation that it’s not what everyone thought it was.  Amy Winehouse did not snort an illegal substance off of her shirtsleeve at her last concert in plain site for all to see (that kind of unruly behavior only happens backstage).  Here is the questionable clip:

It turns out she was merely wiping her nose, a common gesture that one would make when suffering from a regular case of the sniffles.  Given her ongoing struggles with drugs and alcohol, it would be easy to assume otherwise, but this next video pretty much confirms the whole cold theory.  She so clearly wipes her nose with a kleenex right before she sits down to take a sip of water.  Mid song, of course.  The Rehab singer, who’s husband is currently in Prison for conspiracy to fix a trial, was booed offstage in Birmingham this Wednesday as a result of her sloppy, seemingly-drunk performance.

According to Yahoo News the artist formerly known as “the artist formerly known as Prince” - who I guess we can just call ”Prince” - is threatening the very people that help keep him famous.  Fan sites devoted to the singer have been served with legal notices ordering them to remove all Prince pictures, photos, and “anything linked to Prince’s likeness.”  Shot through the heart!  Ouch!  Is this Prince’s way of saying ‘thanks for promoting me on the world wide web’?  We’re not talking about the illegal downloading of his songs here, we’re talking pictures and lyrics, and of course anything related to his heiness, i mean likeness.  Here’s a clip from the article: 

“The move was a shock to many of his followers and came two months after Prince threatened to sue YouTube and other major Internet sites for unauthorized use of his music and image.

But by targeting fan sites directly, Prince risks a backlash, and the sites have vowed to unite under the banner “Prince Fans United” and take the matter to court if necessary.”

 Why are they even willing to remain devoted fans?  I guess you can’t just turn off your musical taste and I do admit “Purple Rain” was pretty stellar.  But perhaps a more effective united group title would be something like ”The people formerly known as Prince Fans…United.”  Yes, that does have a certain ring to it.

Ozzy Osbourne is shaking.  And this time it’s not the 4 decades of hard core drug use.  He’s shaking with fury that a law enforement officer in Fargo, North Dakota used his good name in a sting operation to catch criminals.  According to Mtv.com Sheriff Paul D. Laney organized a fake invite-only pre-party to Ozzy’s concert at the Fargodome and sent invitations in the mail to over 40 Ozzy fans who allegedly ignored court summons and failed to pay child support and other various court-ordered fines.  Upon arriving at the party they were handcuffed and arrested for their various outstanding warrants.  How this officer knew which “criminals” were fans of the former Black Sabbath frontman was not really explained.  Or maybe he just assumed that all societal derelicts love Ozzy?  Not an unfair assumption.  In any event, Mr. Osbourne is livid.  He told Mtv:

“Sheriff Laney went out of his way to tarnish my reputation by implying that I somehow attract a criminal element, which is certainly not true.”

I mean, of course!  Doesn’t Ozzy attract the same moral, law-abiding Christians as someone like Amy Grant?  Nothing says “perfect citizen” like snorting lines of ants, dropping acid every day for an entire year, munching on live bats, and helping deplete Columbia’s supply of cocaine.  For a reference to all these amazing things Ozzy has done, please read Motley Crue’s The Dirt.  And while you’re at it, read Heroin Diaries.

Earlier this week, the founder of OiNK, the world’s largest “peer-to-peer” music download site, was arrested after a 2-yr criminal investigation.  Well now that the young lad has posted bail and is temporarily out of the slammer, he speaks up about the site.  24 yr old Alan Ellis, who set up the site 3 1/2 years ago told the British tabloid The Daily Telegraph that he hasn’t done anything wrong.  According to him, OiNK is no different than Google:

“If Google directed someone to a site they can illegally download music they are doing the same as what I have been accused of. I am not making any Oink users break the law. People don’t pay to use the site…My site is no different to something like Google.”

  I’m not sure I agree with that, but in any event he goes on to say: 

“People who download music also buy CDs as well. A lot of people download music on the internet to get a taste of it and then later buy the CD.”

  Ehhh. Wrong again.  How redundant is that?  Why would you download a song, then go buy the cd, and then upload it to iTunes?  Who needs two digital files for one song?  There are two schools of music-listeners: the freeloaders and the cd purchasers (iTunes shoppers can be included in the latter). If you download and then buy, check your dusty dictionary for the phrase “big fat waste of time.”

To share or not to share - that is the question that only idiodic fools ask themselves these days.  In a world where a single mother living paycheck to paycheck is forced to pay $222K for downloading and sharing 24 songs, no one is safe.  If you’ve got a Kazaa account, you might as well get a second job now, start saving, and then count how many of those pennies are lucky.  What a risky business this has become.  Mtv News reports that UK-run music file-sharing site, OiNK.cd  has been shut down as a result of a criminal investigation into suspected illegal music distribution. 

According to police, OiNK was an “extremely lucrative” site that provided illegal downloads of pre-release music and media to its members, who’d joined the site on an invite-only basis and were asked to contribute donations via debit or credit card. That money, believed to be in the region of hundreds of thousands of pounds, is being tracked down by the IFPI and the BPI.

Now, the estimated 180,000 paid members are being investigated and identified.  Call me old fashioned, but this is yet another reason why I love my cds.

Everyone loves mash-ups, even Eddie Vedder.  He performed one of his own this year at Lollapalooza 2007 when he rocked “Daughter” right into Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick In The Wall”.  Not everyone, however, likes anti-Bush setiments, especially corporations like AT&T.  During the telephone titan’s webcast of the concert, portions of the performance were mysteriously cut out…right when Eddie sings “George Bush, leave this world alone/George Bush, find another home”.  In a statement made by At&T, they said that what happened on the webcast was a “mistake”, against their policy, and that “AT&T does not censor performances.”  And if anyone believes that, I’m quite certain they also believe that there’s an extremely rich lady who lives in the sky and collects human teeth as a hobby.  However, it’s understandable why Pearl Jam fans and Bush-haters (who together probably make up 92% of the population) are upset about this.  It’s rock music’s job to challenge the status quo, question the nature of oppressive administrations, and empower younger generations.  Rock stars do not sing about fluffy kittens (although if Jimmy Page had written it, there would definitely be less feral cats running around).  Anyway, the lesson here is that AT&T should grow a pair, Pearl Jam should say something worse next time, and fans need to keep circulating this stuff on the internet.  Here it is, the song that AT&T censored.