Burgernoodle

This is a sad day.  Not because I’m suffering from a ruthless upper respiratory infection that might just leave me without a lung, but because American Idol winner, Jordin Sparks, made a disappointing appearance on the Billboard charts this week.  Her debut album (self-titled) wound up in the 10 spot, the lowest ranking for any debut album by an Idol winner.  It sold a mere 119,000 copies (to give you some reference, the unpopular winner of Season 5, Taylor Hicks, still sold about 298,000).  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen the video to her new single “Tattoo” and let’s just say it definitely isn’t en fuego.  In fact, I’ve seen it several times now and I couldn’t even hum the chorus to you.  I still have Clay Aiken’s “Invisible” running through my eardrums.  And he didn’t even win!

Anyway, I’m genuinely saddened by this news. According to this article on CNN, Sparks wants her image and music to reflect who she is - just a wholesome girl who’s not ready to sing raunchy, sexy love songs.  Like Britney back in the day, except in her case we all suspected that someone different lay just beneath the surface.

Biggest surprise of the week?  The Eagles are still alive!  Second biggest surprise?  The band’s first studio album in 30 years debuted at no.1 this week on the Billboard top 200.  Many people predicted that Britney Spears’ Blackout would come out on top with The Eagles’ Long Road Out Of Eden falling to a close second, but many people also believe that The Hills is real and American Idol is rigged.  People can be oh so wrong.  Two things Britney is not going to be psyched about: 1) this is her first album to not debut at no. 1 and 2) The Eagles sold 711,000 copies to her 290,000 even though their albums were sold exclusively through their website,Wal-Mart, and Sam’s club retailers.  Ouch.  In any event, I’m not buying either one. 

See?  She’s a decent mother afterall.  She did what any loving mother would do for their children towards the end of the fall harvest…make a trip to the pumpkin patch to prep for Hallows Eve!  Oops, close.  Turns out, according to US Magazine, that when Britney and the gang stopped at the Calabasas pumpkin patch, she made the kids stay in the car.  Aren’t patches sort of for the children?  Isn’t that why you go?  Otherwise, wouldn’t you just snag a pumpkin on sale at the check-out line of Safeway?

Despite all the negative press Britney is getting for loving her mocha frap lattes more than her kids, her latest single “Gimme More” is definitely getting plenty of airtime, and recently hit #3 on Billboards Hot 100 List.  And don’t ask why.  It’s Britney, bitch.

It was a slow week in music, but here are the top selling albums this week (because believe what you may, you need this information)…

#1) Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band’s Magic

#2) Kid Rock’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Jesus

#3) Rascal Flatts’ Still Feels Good

#4) Josh Groban’s Noel

#5) Jimmy Eat World’s Chase the Light

I’m awfully surprised that Josh Groban’s Christmas album didn’t whiz past the Boss.  Don’t baby boomers (his main audience, I’m assuming) take up a great deal of the population?  What doesn’t surprise me, however, is that the High School Musical 2 soundtrack beat out Kanye West by two spots (#7 and #9, respectively).  At least now he can’t drunkenly blab about how he is the number one human being in music.

This is what Bon Jovi looked like the last time their record hit #1 on the Billboard charts.  Those were the days of “New Jersey”… the great 80s.  Oh how we miss that pop metal goodness.  19 years later, their latest album “Lost Highway” hits No. 1 again, selling 292,000 copies just last week.  Time will tell if the album is any good (check the Reviews page in about a week), but it sure as shit must be better than that “Have a Nice Day” nonsense.  Plus it beat out the White Stripes new album by about 70,000.  Could it have been Jon Bon Jovi’s star performance in this past season’s American Idol?  Richie Sambora’s celebrity hook-ups?  Their new country fan base?  The fact that their newest radio single is sounding more and more like Snow Patrol?  Is it because Phil Stacey went down in a blaze of glory???  Again time will tell.