Burgernoodle

Although the outcome of the Superbowl didn’t agree with me (at all), the musical performances were decent enough and luckily for Fox, wardrobe malfunction-free.  Tom Petty is as controversial as a piece of toast so he was a safe and family-friendly choice for the halftime show, performing his biggest hits which 3 generations of football fans could sing along to. A nervous-looking 2007 American Idol winner Jordin Sparks did a great job with the National Anthem, and I was just relieved she wasn’t performing that wretched single of hers, “Tattoo.”  A slightly-out of practice Paula Abdul performed her first new single in over a decade.  There really isn’t much to say about it - it wasn’t brilliant by any means - but it was certainly a thousand times better than Britney’s “comeback” performance at the VMAs last year.  It was sort of like watching an elderly person finish a running race - kind of heartwarming and you’re just proud of them for giving it a go.  Paula’s forever our girl! (Or middle-aged pop icon.)  The ever-talented (if not sometimes a little bit boring) Alicia Keys banged out a solid medley of hits during the pregame show.  And if you didn’t see Ryan Seacrest introduce her on the red carpet and do his own little rendition of “No One” You-Tube it now.

That’s all there is to say about that.  Check out what could have been if Tom Petty had performed with Justin Timberlake.  Bah!  Good stuff.

The new season of American Idol kicked off with a bang last night in a 2 hour premiere of the Philly auditions.  The audition episodes generally pale in comparison to the actual elimination shows, but 2 contestants helped defy that rule last night: Alexis Cohen and the Princess Leia chick.  Alexis (who’s audition you can watch below) is quite possibly the strangest girl the  state of Pennsylvania has ever produced.  She’s an aspiring vet who lives with her mother, 2 cats and 1 dog in a one-room studio.  She had so much glitter on her body it looked like the entire 70s Glam Rock scene had just exploded on her face.  If Melissa Etheridge and Gary Glitter had a love child that talked like a truck driver and sang like Janis Joplin, Alexis would be that child.  Whenever she opened her mouth odd things just flew right out, including this very matter-of-fact quote: “I like things that shine.  I’m like a pirate.”

And then there was Christina, the self-described “goofball.”  Christina is a huge Star Wars fan and she had the hairmuffs to prove it.  Christina had, in my book, one of the greatest reasons for auditioning: “I want out of my hometown because there’s nothing to offer there.  Unless I become a corrections officer…which has been a…possibility.”

And the beat goes on.  Off to another great start, Idol!

This is a sad day.  Not because I’m suffering from a ruthless upper respiratory infection that might just leave me without a lung, but because American Idol winner, Jordin Sparks, made a disappointing appearance on the Billboard charts this week.  Her debut album (self-titled) wound up in the 10 spot, the lowest ranking for any debut album by an Idol winner.  It sold a mere 119,000 copies (to give you some reference, the unpopular winner of Season 5, Taylor Hicks, still sold about 298,000).  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen the video to her new single “Tattoo” and let’s just say it definitely isn’t en fuego.  In fact, I’ve seen it several times now and I couldn’t even hum the chorus to you.  I still have Clay Aiken’s “Invisible” running through my eardrums.  And he didn’t even win!

Anyway, I’m genuinely saddened by this news. According to this article on CNN, Sparks wants her image and music to reflect who she is - just a wholesome girl who’s not ready to sing raunchy, sexy love songs.  Like Britney back in the day, except in her case we all suspected that someone different lay just beneath the surface.

For those that don’t remember, Bo Bice was the American Idol runner-up the year Carrie Underwood took the crown - and God couldn’t have gotten it more right. Here is Bo Bice doing his very best impression of Lenny Kravitz.  And no, it’s not a cover song.  The single was written by Bice - so what if he wrote it at a Lenny Kravitz concert while “Are You Gonna Go My Way” was ringing through his eardrum.  Grow some Alanis Morissette-length hair and throw on some hippy dippy clothes and no one will be able to tell, right? Wrong.  Watch his new video for the single “Witness.”

It’s happening.  Our first idol success, who has been an unstoppable pop force for half a decade now, is cancelling her summer tour due to unfavorable ticket sales.  The tour was to promote her upcoming album, “My December” - an album that already put her in heated waters with top record execs because of their concern about the direction of the album.  Clarkson, ever the tough idol, chose to follow her own artistic intuitions, basically making the argument that she has earned her right to make her own music.  Although we should applaud her brave efforts to maintain her creative voice, clearly those rich old white men do know a little something about selling music to the masses.  If she wants to listen to the little voice inside Kelly’s head and not Clive Davis’, then she might want to forget about those sold out arenas.  Perhaps Justin Guarini is looking to make another sweet summer musical…