Burgernoodle

If you live in a hole (or you were in Mexico and forgot to set your tivo) and missed the Mtv Video Music Awards this past Sunday, here are a few of the highlights and lowlights.  Highlight: Rhianna winning both ”Monster Single of the Year” and “Video of the Year” for “Umbrella”.  The only thing that might be wrong with this hot new R&B pop starlet is her decision to date Shia La Beouf.  Why why why.  If you’re going to date anyone from that summer blockbuster, how about that Win a Date with Tad Hamilton guy?  So what if he’s dating Fergie, at least he doesn’t have name that sounds like it belongs to a full bred Cavalier King Charles that was raised in the Hamptons.  Lowlight: Sarah Silverman being, for the first time in the history of the world, not at all funny.  This may have been more upsetting than having to see Britney in a leather bikini get-up.  Yes, another lowlight: Britney looking like she just washed down 3 valium with a glass of wine, trying desperately to remember the lyrics they wrote for her new single, and trying even harder not to fall down.  Scratch that as a lowlight, this was definitely a highlight.  Other “lights” that were neither high nor low: Kid Rock punching Tommy Lee’s lights out, JT apparently having so much fun that he had to cancel his Sacramento performance on Monday night, all the VMA “after parties” happening during the actual show, Mtv’s very own Kurt Loder looking like an alien (who’s got to be a billion years old by now).  Anyway, if you missed any of the show, it’s all on demand at Mtv.com.

50 Cent recently made a very mighty claim.  He said that he’ll retire if Kanye West’s new album sells more than his.  Both 50 Cent’s Curtis and West’s Graduation are set to be released on September 11th.  It’s unclear whether 50 is referring to the number of albums sold in the first day…first week…first year…lifetime?  How very convenient that he kept the parameters a little vague.  50, who is clearly no fan of West’s, says “I’m King Kong.  Kanye is human.  Humans run when they see King Kong, because they’re scared.”  Forget about Kanye, the human race should be scared since they’re the ones who will determine the outcome of this battle (better buy that cd). The rapper, who was born Curtis Jackson, does have a point though.  A bullet-proof vest is a tad more intimidating than a pink polo from the men’s J Crew catalogue.  But let’s face it, even without the wardrobe, the bullet wounds, and the mental intimidation, Curtis will sell way more than Kanye.