Burgernoodle

Actually, I didn’t.  Watch about 10 minutes of it and you’ll know why.  It’s amusing for all of 3 minutes and then it’s quite possibly the most annoying thing, aside from a Full House marathon, to ever air on television.

Premise: Slightly stupid (opinion) American contestants are “kidnapped” and taken to Japan, where they must live, compete, and learn to embrace the Japanese culture. The competition part of the show comes in when these contestants have to take part in some of the most ridiculous and outrageous game shows they’ve ever seen.  Each week, one player is eliminated from the competition until the last person standing takes home the $250,000 prize.

American Idol never ceases to disappoint.  Just when you feel like punching Randy Jackson in the face for telling little David for the umpteenth time that he can ”sing the phonebook” (which, sorry to say Randy, would not be that awesome at all), something great happens.  Like, for instance, the best guy wins.  By a landslide, no less. 

Listen Archuleta fans: You’re guy will have no problem finding a niche for himself.  I’m not positive there’s any such thing as “Mormon Rock” but there are plenty of adult contemporary listeners out there just waiting for a new release of Dan Fogelberg hits.  70s soft rock is still huge.  And if Zach Efron ever gets the chicken pox, watch out everybody!  There’s a new kid in school!  Anyway, congratulations David Cook, and good work all you people who call in and vote.  Who are you, anyway?

Burgernoodle is on the move, but will be back with a vengeance a few weeks down the road.

In the meantime, watch this hilarious Kristen Wiig skit from SNL.

The bee-hived British singer, just two weeks after rehab, is back on the bottle and up to her old shenanigans. This news was about as surprising to me as waking up this morning to the shocking discovery that Monday - once again - followed Sunday. What I mean is: I know my days of the week. I’m not entirely sure Amy Winehouse does.

The big-time Grammy winner has been living in a luxury London hotel for the past couple of weeks so that she’s not tempted by her old bad habits in the toxic environment of her East London flat (Bah!). When she refused cleaning service, hotel management grew understandably nervous, and decided to bust in while the singer was off performing at the Brit Awards. Here is what they found in the 11th floor executive suite: dirty underwear, booze, cigarette butts, stained bathtubs, mysterious mirrors on the floor, and among other things, general mayhem - all to the tune of $6,000 worth of damage. Now we shouldn’t jump to conclusions over this and assume that Amy Winehouse needs to be tagged and caged. It’s very likely that she merely offered up her hotel room to the gentlemen of Motle Crue who decided to re-shoot the music video for Girls Girls Girls. You never know.

The judges whittled it down.  Now it’s up to YOU, America.  The fate of 24 hopeful young (ahem) artists is in the palm of your hot little hands - well, in the cell phones cradled in those hot little hands, actually.  Time to call Verizon and add the unlimited texting feature because it’s going to be a wild season…THIS is American Idol!

In past seasons, the judges have acted out when they disagreed with some of the voters’ decisions.  Randy: “America got it wrong, dawg” (shake-snapping his fingers like he’s packing chew); Paula starts weeping and Simon threatens to never return to Idol.  Well, in last night’s final cut for the top 24 it was the judges that got it wrong. 

Two words: Josiah Leming. 

Yes, he is a cry baby.  Yes, his pity party (he’s 18 and lives alone in his car) got old real quick.  Yes, he has the emotional maturity of a gnat, but personality aside, this kid has a talent the likes of which Idol has never seen.  He sounds a bit like Coner Oberst of Bright Eyes, a brooding indie rocker type who should be signed to Sub Pop Records or something.  The whole episode reminded me that even though these kids that are put through seem like the best, Idol really is a search for that sound which will appeal to the masses.  By definition, that sound will be safe, it will be generic.  There’s a reason Kelly Clarkson sells more records than Jenny Lewis.  American Idol - still one of the best shows on television - isn’t searching for the “best” but rather the “biggest”.

Having said that, here’s who to watch: the australian guy, the adorable little 16 year old dude, and the Carly Simon-eque curly haired keyboard player chick.

(so what if the title means nothing…)

So by now the Grammy Awards are old news, and I have no intention of recapping the jam-packed three and a half hour show here.  You’ve already read about who won, but if not, put on your spectacles and attack this complete list.  There are really only three things that I took away from Sunday night: 1) As impressive as Cirque de Soliel is, I just don’t like performance art. 2) I never knew just how spectacular Tina Turner really is; the jerky moves, the shuffle, the non-existant neck. 100 percent entertainment. I think I found my next Halloween costume. And finally, 3) Kanye is a terrible singer and remains to be the most annoying artist in Music today. Although he gave a touching  tribute to his late mother, he had me wretching in the kitchen can when he blabbed about how he won’t stop until he’s the “numbah one musician in the world.”  What does that even mean, Kanye?  At least that country singer guy decided to make West the butt of a little onstage joke while accepting his own Grammy.  That was the show’s highlight right there.

From here on out, burgernoodle will not be restricted to music news.  I got to the point where I was buying domains like day old discount pastries (that url is available, by the way, I just checked) and starting blogs that I just had no time for (www.tvmonger.com, www.lostinablog.com, www.popculture411.com).  There’s only 8 hours in a workday and when 1.25 is spent doing “work”, 1 eating, 3 internetting, 2 emailing, that leaves just 45 minutes for posting.  And when you consider the fact that there’s really only 7 hours in my workday, that leaves negative 15 minutes for posting.  So there you have it, no time to post in all of the above.

As a result, burgernoodle will now reach out to all areas of pop culture: music, television, humor, trends, movies, celebrity gossip, whater seems appropriate (with music probably remaining the focus).  The look of the site will naturally need to change, but I strongly urge you not to hold your breath.

Having said that, here’s some far more exciting news: ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Is Going To The Movies!!  Think less “Mr. Wendell” and “Tennessee” and more segways and Bluthe family cocktail hours.  Page Six reports that executive producer Ron Howard is pushing for a big screen version of the hilarious cancelled comedy.  Nay-sayers may pooh pooh it, saying it’ll never be good as the actual show, but who cares!  Anything is better than Fool’s Gold! In case you need a refresher, here you go:

“On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door…”

 Simply hilarious.

And the Shortlist Prize goes to…ding ding ding…Feist!  Nicely done; well deserved.  Although I don’t like the name of said award because it brings to mind contests where only those who ride the shortbus can be considered, I do like the concept.  The award recognizes musicians that haven’t yet reached mainstream status (sold fewer than 500,000 albums in the US).  Feist, a Canadian native who played in a punk rock band in her teens, is also a Grammy nominee for Best New Artist and will be taking the stage at the award show this Sunday.

Well, it’s Super Tuesday and Fat Tuesday and that can only mean two things: musicians will come out of the woodwork in an attempt to rock the youth vote and far too many people will have Hurricane hangovers tomorrow morning.

The three remaining members of the Grateful Dead (yes they’re still around) and their loyal Deadheads are rooting for Obama, saying that he “embodies political hope absent since Robert Kennedy was slain 40 years ago.”  Singer-guitarist Bob Weir says that since the Kennedy assasination “We’ve been reluctant to do political events.”  Maybe it’s long-overdue hope, maybe it’s the fact that Obama told Phil Lesh that he has “some Grateful Dead songs” on his ipod when the two met last year.  Who doesn’t!?  Well, me, for one.

Sean “Diddy” Combs is doing his best to get out the vote as well.  He’s taking a slightly less dramatic approach than his “Vote or Die” efforts 4 years ago, but he is telling people to “Go Vote.”  He hasn’t publically endorsed any particular candidate, opting instead to comment on the monumental nature of this election : “To have an African-American man and a woman in, it’s going to go down in history as the most historical election,” he said. “And I think that young people will have a hand in the result.”

And there you have it.  Go have a Hurricane or a Hand Grenade or something.

I feared this day more than Armageddon itself.  The day Heidi Montag’s music video for “Higher” hit the internet.  Why?  Because it’s equally disastrous yet - unfortunately - we’re still here to witness it.  After the boob enhancement and nose job, you knew stardom was next on Montag’s to-do list.  You were just praying the end of the world would come sooner.  Somebody should have told her that just because The Hills aired on Mtv, a singing career isn’t the logical next step.  If the show had aired on Fox would that have given her the right to run out and become a GOP strategist?  I think not!

Her awkward poses, rhythmless dancing, and hellish vocals make Paris Hilton look like a Grammy winner.  Here it is, the video that I’m pretty sure her boyfriend, Spencer Pratt, filmed with his camera phone.

Although the outcome of the Superbowl didn’t agree with me (at all), the musical performances were decent enough and luckily for Fox, wardrobe malfunction-free.  Tom Petty is as controversial as a piece of toast so he was a safe and family-friendly choice for the halftime show, performing his biggest hits which 3 generations of football fans could sing along to. A nervous-looking 2007 American Idol winner Jordin Sparks did a great job with the National Anthem, and I was just relieved she wasn’t performing that wretched single of hers, “Tattoo.”  A slightly-out of practice Paula Abdul performed her first new single in over a decade.  There really isn’t much to say about it - it wasn’t brilliant by any means - but it was certainly a thousand times better than Britney’s “comeback” performance at the VMAs last year.  It was sort of like watching an elderly person finish a running race - kind of heartwarming and you’re just proud of them for giving it a go.  Paula’s forever our girl! (Or middle-aged pop icon.)  The ever-talented (if not sometimes a little bit boring) Alicia Keys banged out a solid medley of hits during the pregame show.  And if you didn’t see Ryan Seacrest introduce her on the red carpet and do his own little rendition of “No One” You-Tube it now.

That’s all there is to say about that.  Check out what could have been if Tom Petty had performed with Justin Timberlake.  Bah!  Good stuff.

Amy Winehouse - looking almost completely normal in the very outdated picture above - had to be removed from rehab and admitted to the hospital last night due to severe dehydration.  That’s like taking someone out of a sauna and sticking them in a hot tub because they’re too cold.  Shouldn’t rehab facilities come fully equipped with the tools to prevent/treat dehydration? Let’s not forget this is a place where people go to detox.  I’m no medical professional, but if I was helping someone come down off heroine, you better believe I’d have some electrolyte-packed beverages in close range.

The singer, who has long struggled with drug addiction, is still expected to take the stage at the Grammy Awards on Feb. 10th.

(Toni Braxton wearing a piece of tp at the 2001 Grammy Awards)

Luckily for the Recording Industry, the Grammy Awards will not suffer the same fate as the recent Golden Globes.  The Writer’s Guild, still on strike, announced it would grant an “interim agreement” with Grammy organizers so that union writers can pen the script for the 50th annual Grammy Awards show (to air Feb. 10th on CBS).  If the Hollywood writers ever want to reach an agreement with producers this show better be flippin’ amazing.  They need to rise above the usual award-show-mediocrity and write some jaw-dropping jokes.  In all honesty, a 7th grade english student with the comedic capacity of a Joe Rogan could have written the past 49 Grammy Awards shows*.  It’s time to burn this mother out!  Otherwise, Junior High “B” students of the world should march down to la la land on Feb. 11th demanding industry jobs. 

*This comment was flagged for being slightly false: I probably started watching these shows only about 20 years ago.  Maybe the first 29 were amaaaaazing.  I wouldn’t know.

As I am topped the charts last week, something I’m sure Alicia Keys was thrilled about.  However, she’s probably not celebrating the news that the total number of sales was the second lowest ever for a #1 album since SoundScan began monitoring album sales in 1991.  It sounds like Debbie Downer swooped in just in time to prevent any sort of celebratory affair.  “Congratulations, you have the most popular album this week! Too bad you didn’t sell enough to cover your rent this week…Wa wa wa wa waaahhhhhh.”

Keys’ album sold a total of 60,519 copies last week.  The lowest before this was the Dreamgirls soundtrack which sold 60,064 copies in its second week about a year ago. 

Listen to the sweetest single off the album before Debbie works her voodoo and turns it into a repetitive radio favorite that 13 year olds can download as their ringtone. Whoops, too late!